Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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