So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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