I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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