How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
