I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
