what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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