And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
