dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
