don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
