who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize