I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
