woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
