Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
