Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
