just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
