theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
