you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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