My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
