oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
