I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
