i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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