Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
