we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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