Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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