I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
