im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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