I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just cut my nipple shaving
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
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I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
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Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
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