She went from zero to smokin in five shots
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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