What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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