College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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