I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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