Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
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He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
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I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize