Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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