I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
