Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
