I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Randomize
