I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
