tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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