Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
