Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
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He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
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Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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