This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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