she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
