I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
