i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
