hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
