Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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