what day is it and did you see me today?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
