It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
