he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
