What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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