cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
