I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
