DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
