drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize