You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
