I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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