I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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