Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
