you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
i black out too much to be "responsible"
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
