somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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