Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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