Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
