Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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