I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
