Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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