dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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