Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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