I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
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I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
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How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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