I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
