I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize