you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
